Safety Planning
What is a Safety Plan?
A safety plan is a practical guide that helps lower your risk of being hurt by your abusive partner. It includes information specific to you and your life that will help keep you safe. A good safety plan helps you think through lifestyle changes that will help keep you as safe as possible on campus, in the dorms and other places that you go on a daily basis.
Why Do I Need a Safety Plan?
Everyone deserves a relationship that is healthy, safe and supportive. If you are in a relationship that is hurting you, it is important for you to know that the abuse is not your fault. It is also important for you to start thinking of ways to keep yourself safe from the abuse, whether you decide to end the relationship or not. While you can't control your partner's abusive behavior, you can take action to keep yourself as safe as possible.
How Do I Make a Safety Plan?
Take some time for yourself to go through each section of this safety plan. You can complete this guide on your own, or you can work through it with someone else that you trust.
Safety at Home
Develop a safety plan and discuss it with your children. Review the plan as often as possible. Change the locks and install devices to secure your windows.
Make sure your children's school, day-care center, after-school program(s) or camp know who is authorized to pick up your children. Tell your neighbors and landlord that your abuser no longer lives there and ask them to call the police if they see him/her/they near your home.
Before you resume a potentially abusive relationship, discuss alternatives with someone you trust.
You can always call us on our hotline at OHI crisis line is 909-381-3471.
Please be assured that we are here to assist you. We are here to help ensure your safety. We are not here to judge your decisions.
Safety in Public or at Work
If you have an order of protection, keep it with you at ALL TIMES. Make copies of your order and place one in your purse/bag, in your car or anywhere you may stay. Inform building security and coworkers you trust of your situation.
If possible, provide a photograph of your abuser to building security. Vary your routes to and from work and arrange for someone to escort you to your car, bus, or train. Plan what to do in various situations if your abuser confronts you. Change store locations you frequently shop at (instead of going to the food store you usually go to, go to another).
Safety During Volatile Domestic Violence Incidents
If an argument seems unavoidable, move to a room or area with easy access to an exit, NOT a bathroom, kitchen, or anywhere near weapons. Identify which door, window, stairwell or elevator offers the quickest way out of the home and practice your route. Have a bag packed and ready. Keep it in an undisclosed but accessible place where you can retrieve it quickly. Find neighbors you can tell about the violence and ask that they call the police if they hear a disturbance.
Devise a code word to use with your children, family, and friends when you need the police. Decide where you will go if you have to leave, even if you do not think it will come to that. Use your instincts and judgment. Consider giving the abuser what they want to defuse a dangerous situation. You have a right to protect yourself when you are in danger. You do not deserve to be battered or threatened.
Avoid rooms without an easy escape.
Avoid areas where weapons are easily accessible. (Kitchens are dangerous because of access to knives and bathrooms are dangerous because of the risk of having your head hit against the tub or sink).
Mentally plan how you might escape from each room in advance.
Consider safe places you might go after escaping.
Safety During Volatile Domestic Violence Incidents
If an argument seems unavoidable, move to a room or area with easy access to an exit, NOT a bathroom, kitchen, or anywhere near weapons. Identify which door, window, stairwell or elevator offers the quickest way out of the home and practice your route. Have a bag packed and ready. Keep it in an undisclosed but accessible place where you can retrieve it quickly. Find neighbors you can tell about the violence and ask that they call the police if they hear a disturbance.
Devise a code word to use with your children, family, and friends when you need the police. Decide where you will go if you have to leave, even if you do not think it will come to that. Use your instincts and judgment. Consider giving the abuser what they want to defuse a dangerous situation. You have a right to protect yourself when you are in danger. You do not deserve to be battered or threatened.
Avoid rooms without an easy escape.
Avoid areas where weapons are easily accessible. (Kitchens are dangerous because of access to knives and bathrooms are dangerous because of the risk of having your head hit against the tub or sink).
Mentally plan how you might escape from each room in advance.
Consider safe places you might go after escaping.
Technology and Safety:
Abusers often use technology to keep track of and control survivors. Use this information to create a plan around technology usage.
Computers can store a lot of private information about websites, emails, instant messages, calls you make, etc... Be very cautious about your computer usage and use a computer your abuser does not have access to when searching or reaching out for assistance, such as the public library, if possible. It is impossible to completely clear all of the sites you have visited.
Be cautious on what you use a computer for. Computer monitoring software can easily be placed on a computer, allowing the abuser to view all of your computer activity. Be cautions of accessing bank and email accounts on any computer that you fear may be monitored.
Text messages and cell phone calls may be logged into your cell phone bill. Avoid using personal phones for safety planning, if possible.
GPS, a location tracking device, is now installed in many cell phones and in cars. Contact your cell phone carrier to see if the GPS in your phone has been activated and can be located.
If you think your activities are being monitored or you are being followed, you probably are.
Trust your instincts and talk to the Crisis Line to create a plan.
Safety Plan with Your Children
Being in an abusive situation can feel incredibly scary and isolating, and if children are involved - even indirectly witnessing the abusive - it can become a lot more complicated and dangerous. A parent's instinct is to make sure their child is safe - but how can you do this best if your abusive partner is unpredictable, or manipulative?
All of our advocates at The Hotline are equipped to help you safety plan for you and your children during any stage in your relationship. Based on what you're going through, we can help assess the best plans of action and brainstorm different options with you - even when you're feeling out of options.
Planning for Violence in the Home:
If you are in an abusive relationship, a safety plan should include ways that your children can stay safe when violence is happening in your home. It's key to remember that if the violence is escalating. you should avoid running to the children because your partner may hurt them as well
Teach your children when and how to call 911.
Instruct them to leave the home if possible when things begin to escalate, and where they can go.
Come up with a code word that you can say when they need to leave the home in case of an emergency - make sure that they know not to tell others what the secret word means.
In the house: Identify a room they can go to when they're afraid and something they can think about when they're scared.
Instruct them to stay out of the kitchen, bathroom and other areas where there are items that could be used as weapons.
Teach them that although they want to protect their parent that they should never intervene.
Help them to make a list of people that they are comfortable talking and expressing themselves to.
Enroll them in a counseling program
Planning for Unsupervised Visits:
If you have separated from an abusive partner and are concerned for your children's safety when they visit your ex, developing a safety plan for while they are at their home can be beneficial.
Brainstorm with your children (if they are old enough) to come up with ways that they can stay safe using the same model as you would for your own home. Have them identify where they can get to a phone, how they can leave the house, and who they can go to.
If it's safe to do, send a cell phone with the children to be used in emergency situations - this can be used to call 911, a neighbor or you if they need aid.
Planning for Safe Custody Exchanges:
Avoid exchanging custody at your home or your partner's home.
Meet in a safe, public place such as a restaurant, a bank/other area with lots of cameras, or even near a police station.
Bring a friend or relative with you to the exchanges, or have them make the exchange.
Perhaps plan to have your partner pick the children up from school at the end of the day after you drop them off in the morning - this eliminates the chances of seeing each other.
Emotional safety plan as well - figure out something to do before the exchange to calm any nerves you're feelings, and something after to focus on yourself or the kids, such as going to a park or doing a fun activity
Planning for After You Leave:
Alert anyone you can about the situation: school authorities like the counselor, receptionist, teachers and principal, sports instructors, and other caretakers
Talk to these people about what's going on, EX. If you have a protective order or restraining order, who is allowed to pick them up, etc.
How to Have These Conversations:
Let your child know that what's happening is not their fault and that they didn't cause it. Let them know how much you love them and that you support them no matter what. Tell them that you want to protect them and that you want everyone to be safe, so you have come up with a plan to use in case of emergencies.
It's important to remember that when you're safety planning with a child, they might tell this information to the abusive partner, which could make the situation more dangerous (ex. "Mom said to do this if you get angry.") When talking about these plans with your child, use phrases such as "We're practicing what to do in an emergency," instead of "We're planning what you can do when dad/mom becomes violent"
If you have any questions about safety planning or want an advocate's help in developing a personalized safety plan for your child, give us a call at 909-381-3471..
Safety After Leaving
If possible, change your locks, get a security system, a large dog, or motion-detector lights.
Changing your name and social security number are options. If you change your name, you may want to change your name, you may want to change it to something common that will make it difficult to locate you (such as "Mary Smith").
If your neighbors are safe, let them know about your situation and ask that they call the police if necessary.
Inform your employer of the situation and ask for workplace accommodations and support to ensure your safety. Ask them to not give your any of your personal information. Vary your work schedule if possible.
Don't hesitate to call 911 if you are in danger.
Consider safe transportation options.
You may want to vary your daily routines so that your abuser can't easily find you.
If you need to communicate with your abuser, consider the safest way of doing it
Preparing to Leave
Because violence could escalate when someone tries to leave, here are some things to keep in mind before you leave:
Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures of injuries.
Keep a journal of all violent incidences, noting dates, events and threats made, if possible.
Keep your journal in a safe place.
Know where you can go to get help. Tell someone what is happening to you.
If you are injured, go to a doctor or an emergency room and report what happened to you.
Ask that they document your visit.
Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them, like a room with a lock or a friend's house where they can go for help. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.
Contact your local shelter and find out about laws and other resources available to you before you have to use them during a crisis. WomensLaw.org has state by state legal information.
Acquire job skills or take courses at a community college as you can.
Try to set money aside or ask friends or family members to hold money for vou.
Safety Planning for Pets
If you're creating a safety plan of your own to leave an abusive relationship, safety planning for your pets is important as well. Bring extra provisions for them, copies of their medical records and important phone numbers.
If possible, don't leave pets alone with an abusive partner. If you're planning on leaving, look for domestic violence shelters that accept pets, or foster care programs at animal shelters. You can also talk to friends, family or your veterinarian about temporary care for your animal.
If you've had to leave your pet behind with your abusive partner, try to ask for assistance from law enforcement officials or animal control to see if they can intervene.
Take steps to prove ownership of your pet: have them vaccinated and license them with your town, ensuring that these registrations are made in your name (change them if they aren't).
If you're thinking about getting a protective order, know that some states allow pets to be a part of these
Things You May Want to Take
If you can, make copies of important documents, such as the ones listed below and place them somewhere safe in your "ready-to-go" prepped bag of clothes. You can pack all of this in advance and leave them with someone safe you know in case you need to leave immediately
Driver's license and registration
Birth certificates for you and your children
Social security cards for you and your children
School and medical records
Money, bank cards (keep in mind that use of credit cards may enable someone to trace you)
Keys (office, car, home)
Medications
Photos/jewelry/sentimental items
Welfare identification
Passport/greencard/work permit
Divorce papers
Copies of protective orders (restraining/stalking)
Lease/rental agreements
House deed/mortgage payment book
Current unpaid bills
Insurance papers
Address book
Safe numbers (crisis lines, shelters, etc.)
Children's favorite toys/blankets
Change of clothes
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